Few things Desi do after coming to US….

Here are few things desi do after coming to US….
1) Try to find roommate who has a car so that it will be useful for them to go to Wal-Mart:
Wal-Mart is the biggest concern for any desi after coming to US. Usually they find everything fu&^% expensive when they first come here. So they try to stay as many days as possible at senior’s place where they can have free food and shelter. Seniors are also very helpful for first few days keeping ISA elections in mind. After that roommate search gets begin. Usually they prefer roommates in following order: who have a car->from same cast -> From same community -> From same region-> who cooks good food-> At least who is not ugly looking.

2) Try to find some cheapest place to live around the campus: This place may be anything from 2 bhk home to single toilet. They don’t mind staying at any place as long as it’s cheap, convenient. Usually they try to find American neighbors as they think that they are cool to live with but usually end up having desi, as Americans get pissed off because of the smell of the curry and Dal.

3) Try to be friend with professor and adviser: As by doing so they think that they can get a good grade and will be helpful to get instate in future

4) Join Facebook and dump Orkut: They usually join Facebook mostly because of the TRP rating and because of the senior’s feedback about how you can get a white girl very easily compared to Orkut.

5) Click picture with a white American: By doing so they can show their friends in India that how they are enjoying in US and how they are socially absorb. Usually desi guys try to be friends with some American girl at least for the picture sake so that by uploading that picture they can show to their friends that “US jake bahut ladki pata raha hai” kind of stuff. Usually on average 1 desi will have 0-5 American friends where number 0-2 is a median and number 5 is an outlier. Americans mostly do friendship with desi mainly because of the following reasons:
1. It looks cool to have friend from different country.
2. He/she may be student of sociology.
3. He/She may be a student of Human Recourse who thinks that cultural diversification is important for company’s performance.
4. He/she who have misinterpreted Indians as Red Indians
5. He/she who thinks that by roaming with Indians, he/she will get an opportunity to help hungry and poor people and by doing so he/she will clear the points off the license.

6) Try to participate in ISA politics so that it can be helpful in there resume building: If some unknown desi sends you an invitation on Facebook asking how you are doing and if you need any help, you can guess that this m&^%$$#@&^r will be contesting next ISA election. But beware if you don’t vote for him he will be the one how will kick you out of his Facebook profile and badmouth about you to everyone. Usually ISA will try to celebrate every f*&^g Indian festival to show how true Indian they are. Usually on movie night they will show movies like “Swadesh”, “Tiranga” or “Jai Mata di” etc to make you senti so that you will think of going back to India after your graduation and by doing so they will have less competition for their job search.

7) Try to find off campus jobs: Here also competition is very high. It depends on where you are searching for a job. Guajarati will only give preference to Guajarati and Telgu to other Telgu. If you are from minority states such as MP, Rajasthan, UP or Bihar chances of getting off campus is very rare unless any Gujrathi or Telgu guy refers you. But as they treat this job as their full time job chances are very bleak.

8) Try to find GA and RA Jobs: For guys these types of jobs are really hard to get as compared to girls unless you are a gay as girls know very well how to handle guys emotionally. If you are emotionally strong you may end up being outcast.

9) Try to find desi girl: After seeing that prospects of getting laid with white girls is as negligible as India qualifying for soccer world cup, desi guys usually turn their attention to desi girls. But as because of the 90:100 girls to boys’ ratio here also competition is very high. You will usually find girls either committed or engaged unless you have a car and prospects of you getting H1 sponsor jobs are high. But you can get a very good girl in India as you are a NRI now and every girl in India thinks that this is a good opportunity for them to come here to US for free.

10) After graduation: After two years your university will kick your ass and will throw you out of the college as graduate. After that you will get to know that chances of getting job are same as Karun Chandhok winning formula 1. So usually you have to go back for good. But don’t worry, you can earn some respect in Indian society by saying “I am here to take part in Indian Revolution and other crap” and working in some MNC as manager.


After being all said if you have your fathers black money to blow, this is the right place you are in. You can’t go wrong in a country which has invented Ruby Tequila, Las Vegas and Playboy magazine. But if you are from middle class family considering coming here without scholarship you have more balls than ad gel factory.

P.S: Don’t try to bring 42” LCD or 10 liter Microwave when going back to India. Your parents will slap you on your face.